Lying in the Sun

Kate & Cuddle Cat

Kate and Cuddle Cat

Cuddle Cat in Happier Times

Like the trip to Rome, we all know that cuddle cat was a mere publicity stunt, a long running one granted, but it was a stunt nevertheless.  A prop for the planned photo-shoots, where Kate McCann, posing, would bury her face in the soft toy cat.  It was Madeleine's she told the world, it made her feel close to Madeleine. So she trooped around for the cameras, with the cat, for months on end...until one day the poor old cat, they decided had served its purpose...the sound of police sirens becoming ever closer they say was the catalyst for what happened next to CC.

Those of a delicate disposition might find the detail disturbing, might want to look away now...then again if you managed to read, page... which page was it now, from Kate McCanns book that sickened scores?  Ah yes, page 1 through to...well the, you'll probably be okay to carry on...

Kate and Gerry had to think on their feet make a quick decision, but they were used to that, being medics this didn't pose a problem - Cuddle Cat could be no more, that much was clear to them.

CC flew through the air hurled by Gerry, he missed his target.  CC fell to the floor, slid across the tiles his claws nothing to clutch to slow him, he tried to make a spring for the cat flap, but CC was no match for Kate, all that jogging up the hill to the cliff tops - 
Madeleine's pic with her she said, must have been tucked somewhere on her person - her knickers perhaps as it could not be seen -jogging for Madeleine said she- had increased her fitness,she moved like speed of light, lunged at CC grabbed him by tail and in a move she'd picked up from her tosser of a husband - the caber once a hobby of his - she took her turn at hurling the cat.   Once more CC flew through the air - bang on target, CC hit the drum. Kate slammed the washer door firmly closed.

CC was still spinning round on the forensic fresh & clean cycle when the knock at the door came.

Image result for pictures of cats spinning in washing machines#

A disgruntled Cuddle Cat angry at the Fucking Tossers who put him here!

Some say Kate wanted to spruce up CC so that he looked his best for the police when they grilled him (not a Portuguese dish just in case some of the pros get the wrong idea, be all over twitter - PJ ate cat with their sardines, while others will be busy planning putting 'puss' on the Mother's Day Dinner Menu, and that might prove to be a disaster as Gerry McCann would say, and Sunday papers will have a Cat & Sardines story as a headline) but that, Kate said, wasn't so.  CC had been slapping on the sunscreen, spending too many days on the beach getting sand between its bits, at least that is the story Kate told us - I think the PJ grilling and eating the cat sounds more plausible come to think of it -   and of course she added that CC had become smelly!  She was only thinking of the PJ when she washed the cat she didn't want these poor police officers driving with some smelly cat in their car. McCanns had first hand experience of this, their car had stinky nappies, rotting meat, and of course CC when they took him along for a ride didn't help matters. They'd had to leave their car doors open every night for weeks to be rid of the pong!  

Kind Kate didn't want the PJ to suffer as she had - those 'magic trees' really don't have the power to disguise real bad odours, she knew this. And poor old CC was feeling real bad about his body odour.   But as Pheobe Buffay might say 'smelly cat, smelly cat, it's not your fault - that you're not their favourite cat, it's not your fault that you're no friend to those with noses.'

And the McCanns - they do have noses, and not just for smelly cats, for cops!

They were just about to head out to the tapas leaving CC, now known as Smelly Cat,
on fast wash, in the hope that he would just wash and go - or die a dizzy death on fast spin mode, anything... just not be there when they got back!

Gerry was just pinning his 'out to lunch' note on the patio door...or was it the front patio...actually probably front door... when the PJ arrived, and just in the nick of time -  CC was rescued relatively unhurt which was good as he, like Madeleine, doesn't like pain.  He  was though, a bit crotchety, the forensic fresh & clean cycle had been fierce...played havoc with his whiskers, disintegrated his yellow wristband...good quality my ass, he was heard saying!

Cuddle Cat shaken but relieved after his ordeal.

"Where are those McCann bastards, gonna give them my tuppenceworth, old Corner told me they were purrfect pet parents - bet all along they've been planning to top me, set up a fishy Find CC Fund -millions sightings of me across the world!

"And age progression?   

I'll give them darn well age progression pics..."

Not to mention my e.fits they tucked away:


Come on guys does that one look
like me?                          

So where is Cuddle Cat now?

Well we know he morphed into Smelly Cat.

We know Praia da Luz is the morph capital of the world.  

But where he is now remains a mystery.

source close to the family, a perky fellow with a penchant for pink said that the puss was taken, not from his cat basket, it hadn't been slept in,  but from the washer, maybe by Smelly Man, the chief suspect in the Andy Redwood investigation.

Smelly Man, a paedophile who is living in the lawless lands surrounding Praia da Luz is said to be holding the cat captive.  Others say their relationship is equal they live a happy life checking out dustbins together.  

It is feared CC might not now even speak same language, he might now
bark, who knows!  But is that such a bad thing - when chasing bin trucks, a bark is probably better than a miaow, and always its better than a bite!  Kate knows all about dog bites!

Did she get a tetanus jab I wonder or did good old Matt Oldfield just lick her wound clean?  He was out running with her when she was attacked by dogs was he not..?

So is Cuddle Cat aka Smelly Cat with Smelly Man, as we are led to believe?

A recent sighting tells a different story!

Learned behaviour?      Disturbing?        Unhealthy?

You decide!
29th March 2014

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