Lying in the Sun

Mirror Gallery - 4


Mirror Gallery - 4

'I'd rather know if Madeleine was dead than live in limbo'

13 Aug 2007 00:00



Kate McCann said yesterday she would rather know if daughter Madeleine was dead than live in the hell of uncertainty.

With Madeleine now missing 102 days, she said: "This is the worst kind of limbo.

"In our heart of hearts we'd both rather know - even if that means we have to face the terrible truth that Madeleine might be dead. But I can't prepare myself for bad news. I simply don't know how."

Anguished Kate, 39, spoke out the day after Portuguese police said for the first time there were indications that Madeleine, four, may no longer be alive.

Dad Gerry, 39, said that if their daughter was dead he was comforted by the belief she was in a "better place".

In a revealing interview Kate, also mum of two-year-old twins Sean and Amelie, told of the agony of continuing with everyday life while Madeleine's fate remained unknown.

She said: "Until you're in that situation, you can't even begin to imagine what it is that gets you out of bed. You just have to go on. And it doesn't take the guilt away.

"Whenever I laugh with the twins or eat something nice, it's there in the back of my mind - Madeleine would love this.

"I suppose I'm really just going through the motions of life, hoping every night I go to bed this will be the last day I'll have to get through without her."

Kate again defended the couple's decision to leave their children alone on the fateful night Madeleine was plucked from the family's holiday apartment in Praia da Luz.

She told Woman's Own magazine: "I ask myself 'Why did I think it was safe?' But it felt safe. You don't expect a predator to break in and take your daughter.

"I always had this little prayer I'd say at night - 'Please keep them safe, healthy and happy'. But safe in my head was about the children falling over or getting hit by a car.

"I never worried someone would watch us, break in and then take our daughter away. Why would I?"

Kate even joked that Madeleine is probably giving her kidnapper a taste of her forceful character.

She said: "Madeleine is such a sociable child, so funny and engaging.

"She has a lot of personality. Her name actually means 'tower of strength'.

"She hated it when WE called her Maddie. She'd say 'My name is Madeleine' with an indignant look.

"I bet she's giving whoever she's with her tuppence worth."

Kate continually clasps Madeleine's toy Cuddle Cat as a precious link.

But she said: "In a way I wish they'd taken it with her. It would be a comfort to know Madeleine had something she loved, wherever she is."

Asked if the heartbroken couple could ever forgive the kidnapper, devout Catholic Gerry said: "We don't know who's taken her, why they've taken her and what's happened to her. So it's very difficult to forgive in advance.

"We've had incredible pain over the last three months - and we pray that Madeleine hasn't."
21st July 2013

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