Lying in the Sun

Six Months On

Six Months On

On 14th October 2013 DCI Redwood of Scotland Yard announced his 'revelation moment'  in Madeleine McCann case.

He had discovered (what the rest of the world knew all along ) that Brits abroad, males in particular are some of the worst dressed, least stylish guys on the planet, and Redwood’s ‘Crecheman’ beat the lot.  A geek of a guy who could remember the exact outfit he wore, on a particular night more than six years previously.   (Funny that as Gerry McCann, Kate McCann and their doctor buddies, none of them could remember what they were wearing 6 minutes after they reported Madeleine as missing.  McCann couldn't even remember which door he had entered the apartment by, to check on his kids! ) The offending garment (s)  and  specifically those ugly sickly mustard coloured trousers, which have left Jane Tanner scarred for life, our geek had kept stored in his wardrobe, waiting for that knock on the door, the knock that would transport him back to that night in PDL, the knock that only the police can deliver – the Fashion Police!

Sadly our geek was never chosen for a 60 minute makeover, and one can only wonder why such a worthy candidate was passed over.   Rumour has it though that he is being lined up for a one hour special of ‘Hoarders.’

But all was not lost, our geek would go to the ball – the Policeman’s Ball.  His fairy godfather, none other than old poker face himself, DCI Redwood decided it was time to pay our mystery man a visit.

Imagine Redwood’s surprise, when our geek was not only happy to speak with him, but to learn that he had kept in his wardrobe all these years the very outfit he had worn on that night so long ago, in his once heady days in the world of high fashion, as Crecheman in PDL

While Andy sat in the living area of the geek’s home, the geek popped upstairs, a quick change, happy to don the now faded and dusty garments one more time…  Fortunately for Andy the years had been kind to the geek he had not piled on too many pounds, and was still able to push his paunch into the offensive mustard coloured pants.      Ooh aar Andy cried when the geek re-appeared in the front room prancing and pirouetting circling his fairy godfather seeking approval.  No need for Andy to wave his magic Met wand or call in the Met seamstress after all, no sign of crecheman spilling at the seams.

A quick call to the station, for a photo-shoot to be arranged was all that was needed. 

The police photographer worked fast he was taking no chances, fearing the moth eaten clothes might disintegrate under the heat of the lights.  Not quite the catwalk opportunity our male fashionista had hoped for, but a photo shoot of a sort was still recognition, his five minutes of fame…even if only a quick – ‘turn to the left, now turn to the right’ sort!   Crimewatch was to be his debut the big break he'd always hoped for!

And the icing on the cake of course for Andy (aside our geek never having been to a barber in 6 years) he was able to produce the magic pyjamas, the very ones that his then two year old daughter had worn on that night.  Pyjamas which had grown probably more than the child had in the six years since they last saw the light of day (they were huge straight from Met props department) or the light of the yellowish orangey Portuguese street lamp!

The Met had cracked it,  all that was left to do was make a trailer –‘The Revelation Moment’ –  and plug it for a few weeks before the premier on Crimewatch!

Andy’s revelation though turned out to be no more than a damp squib – the Portuguese Police had at the time of their investigation, 6 years earlier, ruled out this sighting by Jane Tanner, as had the rest of the world.

As luck would have it, Andy would get a second bite of the cherry. There was on this same night another guy seen carrying a child, a little girl also!  Could this have been Madeleine? 

A  guy dressed not unlike the geek, his child too dressed in the same way as the geek’s daughter, in pyjamas!   Only, this second guy - who the public have named ‘Abductorman’ or ‘Jerry’ due to his striking resemblance to Gerry McCann, and his love of cat and mouse - hasn’t come forward!

I wonder, what are the chances of Andy finding, not only 'Abductorman’ but of rummaging through his drawers, and discovering, buried under the mothballs, any of these items of clothing - not all guys are like our geek though - a hoarder!   Could be, like the blue bag, the blanket, and Madeleine, those trousers with the buttons have done a disappearing act too.

What were the chances of two guys, dressed identically both carrying a little girl of the same age, dressed only in pyjamas, through the streets of the same small village in Portugal on the same COLD night around the same time?

Well I will tell you - ZILCH!

Redwood was taking world for a ride!

Despite over 3,000 calls received by the Met after Crimewatch was screened, it looks increasingly that Andy Redwood, aka Tom is having great difficulty in catching Jerry.   Always been the way of it!

Still there is time yet, it took the geek 6 years before coming forward to give his old clothes an airing. Perhaps if ‘Revelation Moment 2’ ever hits a screen near you, Andy will have captured Jerry on camera wearing the trousers with the buttons  down the side as he did on that night…the very same ones the witness saw him wearing.

The child’s pyjamas in his possession, boy would that be a bonus!

Six months on, is Andy Redwood any further on?  

Will Andy soon have some good new for us?  

Will 'Jerry' come forward?

We mustn't give up hope - as the McCann supporter's would say - that the owner of those fancy pants with the buttons will make himself known.

Maybe the day Gerry McCann purchased his pair, another guy was standing alongside him in store purchasing a pair too?  And maybe Gerry McCann will have noted this?  In fact maybe the guy holidayed in Portugal at the very same time as Gerry McCann and had a daughter just like Gerry McCanns Madeleine? A guy who liked to carry his daughter on cold night's through streets, she dressed only in pyjamas?

Too much of a stretch of the imagination?  Not half as much as Andy Redwood's revelation moment/crecheman tale!

And haven't McCanns  been quiet of late – a period of quiet generally means there has been some form of scheming going on, followed usually by a sudden surge of seriously silly stories concocted by the pair  - Silly me how could I forget Crimewatch 2013 produced by Redwood, and starring Crecheman?  

Or should that be, aided and abetted?
16th March 2014

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